Even in the darkest of times if we reach deep enough inside we can find gratitude. Reach for it and bring it to the surface to light your path. You can brighten any day with a little gratitude attitude. Wrap it like a cloak around you for protection against the ever changing world that surrounds us.
I am grateful we didn't realize mothers illness as children. We may have been 'taken away' from her and the thought of her being alone all this time would be overbearingly sad. No parent is perfect. No human makes the right choices all the time.
I believe in a higher power. I am not religious as religion is man made but I do believe our souls have a purpose here. A lesson to learn ourselves or another spirit to help guide on their path. We chose this life and the choices we make pave the path we are to walk while here. The more lessons we've learn, the better choices we make. I chose not to blame mother for her choices, but to learn from them.
I was abused as a child by my step father and other men. when I told mother she didn't believe me. these were good men with solid reputations...I believe her choice, her guilt because of her choice, has manifested in one of her delusions. That she was molested as a child even used in satanic rituals along with her siblings all at the hands of her step father. Some of her siblings won't speak to her because of her rantings. For her to accuse their father of such nonsense and to say it happened to them as well! They all say she's crazy and hang up when we call to ask. I have searched for mothers truth. Anything that would help us understand the world she gets lost in, to find something to use as a tool to bring her by back. Yet I stand empty handed by looking in the past. I can only look about me today, search the materials at hand and nap out my own weapons to help in her battles.
I am grateful we have LB this time.Being familiar with the process of court proceedings and proper filing dates doesn't make it easier to walk into court and declare your mother incompetent or mentally ill. LB, Attorney is mothers financial guardian and heaven sent. When she spoke to the judge at the temporary guardian hearing, she spoke of mother with honor and respect. When med compliant mother is an intelligent retired nurse who worked her life as a missionary from Watts in the 60's to Hattie in 70 & 80's. Helping countless orphans and other missionaries alone the way. Now, when off her med's she bring in felons, drug addicts and folks she finds off the street believing she can help bring them to Jesus and save their lives. In the mean time they steal from her, conning her out of rent and food all the time taking the gifts of new clothes and things she buys to 'bring them happiness'. I am grateful she was a kind and giving soul, I feel I have learned this from her and am thankful for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment