Saturday, April 09, 2011
5:15pm..brother just called to ck on mom. he hasn't called her yet!said he was sick...i understand but it seems to urk me a bit, i have 2 make the 3 hour drive to help her even when i m sick and in pain, a phone call couldn't hurt much...
I wrote this in my privet journal and didn't want to publish it for fear of hurting my brothers feelings if he ever read this blog by chance. At his point I care more about my mothers well being than I do his feelings and the only way I can help mother is to first be true to myself...my feelings count too.
Today is Friday. I called mom to check in with her and immediately knew she was angry about something. She received her copy of the guardianship court appearance next week and blew up saying we'd never mention this to her, she certainly didn't agree to it and how dare I do this again!...Mind you,she is still in the psych hospital.
On top of it all they are going to release her next week. My son, also co guardian believes she can come back to his home where she's been since her last breakdown. I don't want to put him through this again. Mother can be fowl when she thinks people are 'against her' and to be her guardian, she'll be down right horrid. She'll put on her religious tapes, tv and or radio blaring them 24/7...even God would get tired of it! All my son can do is stay in his room and try to block it out or go next door to his fathers and hang out till time for bed. and this is his home.
I'd love to see her moved to a place she can feel some what independent but made to be med compliant. The thought of her driving again worries me. There is no telling where she'll go to 'get away from her tormentors' when she realizes she'll always need guardians. If she is allowed to drive I am afraid she'll run away...not to mention the fact that shes totaled 3? cars in the last 4/5 years. Would YOU want to be on the road with a manic old lady behind the wheel who is chasing demons?
I don't want my son to have to live with her anymore. I don't believe that anyone given guardianship can be sure she is med compliant. She will lie. You won't be allowed to check her mouth to see if she swallowed or she'll just spit them out in your face if she wants.She'll pick up her cell phone and call the cops saying your trying to poison her, claiming she took the damn pills and you want to over dose her by making her take them again! I live almost 3 hours away so I can't be there everyday and my son has lived with her illness long enough. He loves her and wants to help but this has already destroyed the special bond they shared all his life. He's always been her special angel and she was never mean to him until he had to be guardian. It changed both their lives. I'd like to see them be grandma and grandson again.
She won't moved in with me, I've offered and my brother...is in California. I must thank the heavens that she won't moved in with me otherwise I'd need to be medicated. She already thinks I am evil. Demon possessed in her womb, she told me once....I live for the mood swings when she loves me again, I am her angel, her dearest daughter.
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